Life is great!

It's been forever since I updated so I thought I'd take a minute to let you all in on what's going on in my world! Life is pretty great right now and I'm extremely happy with the way things are going for me!

--I'm getting into a major groove with working out. Me and my friend Allison are taking a walk weekly and I've been working out at home 3 days a week. I'm finding for the first time in my life that I'm actually enjoying it. I've never experienced the whole endorphin rush after working out before recently. (In fact I used to think it was a myth!) I worked out last night the hardest I have since highschool, and afterwards I was pumped and felt amazing. I could see how people can get addicted to it. I downloaded Fitness for Dummies and I'm going to do some research and try to set up a workout plan for me.... I'm approaching this with a completely different view point then in the past. My focus is no longer on dieting, which is I think why I have never stuck to any weight loss plan. My main focus on is getting fit and building muscle, and I'm just approaching my eating habits with just portion control and no more fast food, which is my main problem with food. My goal is to be 40 lbs lighter within the next 12 months.

--Work has improved drastically in the last month or so for a few reasons... number one I think is accepting the fact that I have to work and there is no way around that... for probably the last year I have resented coming into work because I would rather be home with my children... but I've come to the realization in the last month that that's just not in the cards for me at this moment... I like having money and being able to afford such a nice lifestyle, I would no longer have that if I quit my job. And while there may come a day where I can go part time somewhere, it's not going to be any time soon. So with that realization came a new appreciation for my job and what I do... There are always going to be things I don't like about my job, nothing will ever change that, but I've started putting more of a focus on what I can control and less of what I can't and my attitude has improved drastically, (and with it so has my performance.) With this new attitude has come the desire to actually work towards something instead of just sitting on the phones all day. My goal is to be promoted in the next 12 months.

--My kids are amazing as always, my sweet little Ella Bella isa chunker and has the fattest thighs, SO cute... she's smiling and laughing and generally enjoying being a little girl... though she can be frustrating at times since she's my little diva and refuses to sleep during the day for some reason. My sam is such a sweetheart and I absolutely love my little guy. He talks so well now, can count to 15 and sing his ABC's. He also knows about every song to every show he ever watches. He's very, very smart!
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--Things with AJ are the best they have ever been. I finally feel like we're getting back to ourselves after having kids. We've been going on dates lately and enjoying being with each other. I didn't realize how much I missed that connection until we got it back, and I don't ever plan on letting it slip again... we're trying to make time for a date once or twice a month from now on so we can have time for each other. He's amazing with all he does for me and the kids, and I appreciate him immensely.

All in all life is on the right track right now. I love love love how things are going and I'm going to do everythig I can to keep them on this track!

Freedoms are responsibilities...

"Freedom makes a huge requirement of every human being. With freedom comes responsibility."
-Elanor Roosevelt



I don't usually post about the happenings in the world... but I spent most of the day yesterday watching 9/11 footage and reading about the violence going on in the Middle East... It reminded me of something an old high school teacher used to say, and the wording is probably off, but it is something that has stuck with me... "Freedoms are responsibilities, so use them wisely." I don't know if I really understood in High School what that meant... but I find the older I am the more I understand the meaning behind his words... Our freedoms are precious, and what I don't think we realize after having them for the last 236 years, is that they can always be taken away... they are a luxury that few other countries get to enjoy. In fact 9/11 is a prime example of nearly 3,000 people being stripped of their freedom, and countless others that are still not free from that day. We need to be responsible with the things we are blessed enough to have, and use them wisely instead of constantly and relentlessly abusing the privilege that our forefathers gave us.

The Week From Hell

It all started Friday night, AJ and I decided to take the kids out to the mall so we could look for cases for our new phones. We were gone for about 2 hours, and came home to a flood in our kitchen, apparently the water line that goes to the dishwasher burst and flooded our kitchen and basement. (Luckily we have vents in the kitchen so it could drain in the basement or it would have been worse.) We are now looking at replacing our kitchen floors since water got under the vinyl flooring. Some cabinets probably should be replaced too.

Then on Sunday my glasses broke. Thankfully I was able to tape them back together in the interim until I have a chance to get to the Dr and order a new pair.

Sunday afternoon we lost our lawnmower. Luckily we were able to get another one. \

Then today happened... Sam decided to fall into a side table and smack his head on a hinge or something and split his head open... thus we had our first hospital trip since Sam was born.

 I knew it was only a matter of time, he is my son after all. So a trip to the ER later and he has two staples in his head and I'm sure what will be a nice scar back there. I handled it a lot better then I thought I would. He had some pretty spectacular bleeding at first, but luckily it wasn't too bad and he didn't end up with a concussion, the staples will stay in for ent days, then we get to make the trip to take them out... I am so proud of him, I can't believe how well he did at the hospital. He didn't cry when the numbed his head with a shot, or when the put the staples in. I couldn't believe how calm he was. That's the AJ in him.

It's been a pretty rough week so far, but I have a few things to be grateful for: first that the line to the dishwasher didn't burst while we were at work, it would've gone on for much much longer, and the fact that it could drain through the vents into the basement where there is an actual drain for water, instead of going down the stairs into our living room where we just put new floors. Secondly that my glasses broke in a place that they could be temporarily repaired as long as I need them. Third that we were able to get a new lawn mower. And most importantly that Sam wasn't hurt worse then he was. He didn't get a concussion or black out or anything like that. Just a good gash and a few staples. It could have been much worse and I am thankful that it wasn't.

Even with all that though, here's hoping that the week starts looking up again.

Time flies!

Sometimes life goes by way too fast! Friday it's back to work for this girl. I'm a little sad, a little excited too. I've loved being home with the kids these last 2 months... but being a full time stay at home mom is not for me. I don't particularly like to work, but I do feel like working makes me a better mother... It gives me a chance to miss my children and appreciate all the things they do all the more. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my kids, I really do. But being home full time there are more of those moments where I feel like I am going to rip my hair out because I haven't gotten a solitary second to myself in days. I'd really like to work part time, enough to help with the bills, enough to get adult interaction and some time for myself, but not so much that I feel like I'm not raising my kids myself. The beauty of the early shift at my work is that I get to spend much much more time with them then if I was working a 9-5 shift. So while I can't go part time just yet, I can at least spend as much time with my kids as possible.

In other news, my sweet little boy turned two a few weeks ago... I can't believe he's already been here for two years! He's so big and doing so many new things, he can count to 5, sometimes higher if I can get him to sit still and concentrate. He knows most of his colors, and he knows his name, and can tell you how old he is. He talks SO much, I can't believe I can have a conversation with my two year old! He also LOVES to sing, and constantly sings songs from the shows he likes most. He also can sort of sing the "it's raining, it's pouring" song, and the "itsy bitsy spider" also, "old McDonald had a farm." And sometimes he just says something and it blows me away, it's like where did he learn that from?? He's still my wonderful little man and even though he's got some moments where he's difficult, I couldn't ask for a better behaved child.

Ella is two months tomorrow, and smiling away, she can be a pretty big ham and if she's awake will smile at anyone who talks to her... the older she gets the prettier she is too, she has her Daddy's dark eyelashes, and I think her eyes will be green even though they are blue right now. She's also cooing all the time and talking, in fact I call her my Complainy Janie because she isn't shy about letting us know when she's mad... She kicks her legs around and looks at everything too, she loves her mobile and the fan and anything that moves in front of her she will lock on to. She even watches the TV sometimes, lol. We have a dr's appointment on Thursday, and I can't wait to see how big she is going to be! She's much chunkier than Sam was!

Life is pretty amazing right now, I love my kids, and AJ is such an amazing husband and father, he's been so great with me and the kids. He even let me get a new car so it's easier to get the kids in and out of, even though he was supposed to get a new car next. He always does everything he can to make me and the kids happy... I couldn't ask for a better husband. There are so many great things about him I could sing his praises all day and night. All in all I have a very blessed life and thank God for it every day.

Sadness...

One of the surprising things about being a Mother is the way things in the world affect you. It completely changes your way of thinking about things. Recently Colorado has been the victim of so many tragedies, a wildfire that burned down almost 350 homes and killed two people, leaving my beautiful city covered in ash and a mountainside left with nothing but the black stumps of what were once trees, and a shooting that left 71 people either killed or wounded...

A part of me wants to hide away in my house with my babies so that I can always make sure they are safe. But I know that's not possible or healthy and I know that I won't always be there to protect them. Now that I have children of my own tragedies like these hit me much harder then before. I think about all those people who were there that day, I think about their Mother's and what they are feeling right now... I think about their children and how they are affected... I think about how those people who survived are going to be functioning... It is much easier to put myself in their shoes and feel their sadness, their anger, their fear.

I know that I won't always be there to protect my children... but while I am able I will always do whatever I can to protect them, while making sure they can also experience the world. It's a fine line parent's have to walk... to make sure they are safe but also not holding them back from growing. Being a parent is just not easy sometimes. .

My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to all who have been affected by these recent tragedies...

Having so much fun!

Life moves way way too fast! Little miss is already 6 1/2 weeks old, Sam is almost 2...It amazes me how fast it goes. I'm going to have to go back to work sometime in the next few weeks. :-( I wish that life were different and I could sit at home and cuddle my babies all day. I love being home with them, I have found time to be crafty and actually make my bed every day, lol. Don't get me wrong, it's not always easy, especially when I have two crying kids to deal with, but in the end it's all worth it... hopefully someday I can stay home with the kids and work part time instead. In the mean time I will make the best of the time I have. 

Sam has grown so much in the last year, and he's so wonderful. He's such a sweet little boy, he hugs me constantly and has started saying: "I love you" it melts my heart so much when he does that. I love it, and he's so smart... and I don't say that just cause I'm his mommy, he really has a great vocabulary and talks SO much, I can't believe half the stuff he says, and of course he has to repeat everything that I say as well (especially the things I wish he wouldn't pick up on.) My favorite is when he says: "Oh coconuts" or: "Oh toodles!" (Obviously we watch a lot of Disney Junior.) He also says: "that's disgusting," lol.

Ella is getting so big now,  I look at her and just think, are you really only 6 weeks old? She's so sweet and smiles so big for us... her first real smile was for Sam, which is awesome. I just know they are going to love each other so much. Sam already hugs and cuddles her any chance he gets. He loves to help me with her too. 

I really can't remember what life was like without them. I was happy, obviously, and had a lot more free time, but it just seems so dull in comparison when I think back, like there wasn't nearly as much sunshine in the world. Being a Mom is the best thing I've ever done with my life, these two beautiful kids are my greatest accomplishments, and I can't wait to see what they do in their lives...

3 weeks old

Ella is 3 weeks old as of Friday, I can't believe that much time has gone by already! It's kind of a surreal feeling, it feels like just yesterday that I was giant and pregnant and then going through labor... but at the same time, it feels like Ella has always been in our lives. That's the thing about having kids, once they are born you can barely remember life without them.

Things have been going pretty smoothly since she was born. Thankfully my recovery has been minimal, in fact I have felt 100% since a few days after she was born. This has been amazing compared to Sam's birth where it was a few weeks before I was back to feeling semi-decent. It's made things very easy on me when it comes to Sam.

Ella so far is doing great, she eats very well and breastfeeding is actually working out pretty well for us. Granted I don't breastfeed all the time, but that was more my choice then anything since she will have to be weaned in a few weeks when I go back to work and it is nice sometimes to be able to hand her off to someone else to feed. She's pretty great and looks at everything and is really good at focusing on faces and she lifts her head really well for a 3 week old. I am actually thinking about moving her into her own room already. We were going to wait till she was older, but I'm thinking it will be easier with her in her own room. Sam hasn't woken up ever due to her crying (even when we're in her room, since I take her in there in the middle of the night sometimes so we don't wake AJ,) and I'm thinking that it will be easier on me if she's in her own room. It won't be as tempting to just put her in bed with us. As easy as it is just to put her in the bed with us, it makes me so nervous and I can't sleep properly. I wake up extremely stiff and usually with a headache. I moved Sam to his room at 5 weeks old, so that may be when we make the move. Surprisingly I'm enjoying all the little girl stuff and putting her in cute outfits with bows and everything. It's been pretty fun so far, just as fun as it is to dress Sam in his cute little outfits. 

Sam has been great with her so far. He calls her: "my baby" when we talk about her and is constantly loving on her and hugging her. I love watching him with her and I'm so very happy that all my anxiety was for nothing. He hasn't been jealous or acting out or anything like that, which is what I was worried about originally. He's been pretty great actually besides the occasional tantrum, but that's just his 2 year old self, lol.

I'm really not looking forward to going back to work in the next little while, but I know that I have to. I'll just miss my babies. I'm worried about the shift bid coming up too and concerned I'll have to work a night shift. AJ and I have talked about it and agreed that we will do what we have to to make it work. We'll just have to see what happens.

Other than that, life has been amazing, I love my little girl and my big boy.