Time flies!

Sometimes life goes by way too fast! Friday it's back to work for this girl. I'm a little sad, a little excited too. I've loved being home with the kids these last 2 months... but being a full time stay at home mom is not for me. I don't particularly like to work, but I do feel like working makes me a better mother... It gives me a chance to miss my children and appreciate all the things they do all the more. Don't get me wrong, I love being home with my kids, I really do. But being home full time there are more of those moments where I feel like I am going to rip my hair out because I haven't gotten a solitary second to myself in days. I'd really like to work part time, enough to help with the bills, enough to get adult interaction and some time for myself, but not so much that I feel like I'm not raising my kids myself. The beauty of the early shift at my work is that I get to spend much much more time with them then if I was working a 9-5 shift. So while I can't go part time just yet, I can at least spend as much time with my kids as possible.

In other news, my sweet little boy turned two a few weeks ago... I can't believe he's already been here for two years! He's so big and doing so many new things, he can count to 5, sometimes higher if I can get him to sit still and concentrate. He knows most of his colors, and he knows his name, and can tell you how old he is. He talks SO much, I can't believe I can have a conversation with my two year old! He also LOVES to sing, and constantly sings songs from the shows he likes most. He also can sort of sing the "it's raining, it's pouring" song, and the "itsy bitsy spider" also, "old McDonald had a farm." And sometimes he just says something and it blows me away, it's like where did he learn that from?? He's still my wonderful little man and even though he's got some moments where he's difficult, I couldn't ask for a better behaved child.

Ella is two months tomorrow, and smiling away, she can be a pretty big ham and if she's awake will smile at anyone who talks to her... the older she gets the prettier she is too, she has her Daddy's dark eyelashes, and I think her eyes will be green even though they are blue right now. She's also cooing all the time and talking, in fact I call her my Complainy Janie because she isn't shy about letting us know when she's mad... She kicks her legs around and looks at everything too, she loves her mobile and the fan and anything that moves in front of her she will lock on to. She even watches the TV sometimes, lol. We have a dr's appointment on Thursday, and I can't wait to see how big she is going to be! She's much chunkier than Sam was!

Life is pretty amazing right now, I love my kids, and AJ is such an amazing husband and father, he's been so great with me and the kids. He even let me get a new car so it's easier to get the kids in and out of, even though he was supposed to get a new car next. He always does everything he can to make me and the kids happy... I couldn't ask for a better husband. There are so many great things about him I could sing his praises all day and night. All in all I have a very blessed life and thank God for it every day.

Sadness...

One of the surprising things about being a Mother is the way things in the world affect you. It completely changes your way of thinking about things. Recently Colorado has been the victim of so many tragedies, a wildfire that burned down almost 350 homes and killed two people, leaving my beautiful city covered in ash and a mountainside left with nothing but the black stumps of what were once trees, and a shooting that left 71 people either killed or wounded...

A part of me wants to hide away in my house with my babies so that I can always make sure they are safe. But I know that's not possible or healthy and I know that I won't always be there to protect them. Now that I have children of my own tragedies like these hit me much harder then before. I think about all those people who were there that day, I think about their Mother's and what they are feeling right now... I think about their children and how they are affected... I think about how those people who survived are going to be functioning... It is much easier to put myself in their shoes and feel their sadness, their anger, their fear.

I know that I won't always be there to protect my children... but while I am able I will always do whatever I can to protect them, while making sure they can also experience the world. It's a fine line parent's have to walk... to make sure they are safe but also not holding them back from growing. Being a parent is just not easy sometimes. .

My thoughts, prayers, and love go out to all who have been affected by these recent tragedies...

Having so much fun!

Life moves way way too fast! Little miss is already 6 1/2 weeks old, Sam is almost 2...It amazes me how fast it goes. I'm going to have to go back to work sometime in the next few weeks. :-( I wish that life were different and I could sit at home and cuddle my babies all day. I love being home with them, I have found time to be crafty and actually make my bed every day, lol. Don't get me wrong, it's not always easy, especially when I have two crying kids to deal with, but in the end it's all worth it... hopefully someday I can stay home with the kids and work part time instead. In the mean time I will make the best of the time I have. 

Sam has grown so much in the last year, and he's so wonderful. He's such a sweet little boy, he hugs me constantly and has started saying: "I love you" it melts my heart so much when he does that. I love it, and he's so smart... and I don't say that just cause I'm his mommy, he really has a great vocabulary and talks SO much, I can't believe half the stuff he says, and of course he has to repeat everything that I say as well (especially the things I wish he wouldn't pick up on.) My favorite is when he says: "Oh coconuts" or: "Oh toodles!" (Obviously we watch a lot of Disney Junior.) He also says: "that's disgusting," lol.

Ella is getting so big now,  I look at her and just think, are you really only 6 weeks old? She's so sweet and smiles so big for us... her first real smile was for Sam, which is awesome. I just know they are going to love each other so much. Sam already hugs and cuddles her any chance he gets. He loves to help me with her too. 

I really can't remember what life was like without them. I was happy, obviously, and had a lot more free time, but it just seems so dull in comparison when I think back, like there wasn't nearly as much sunshine in the world. Being a Mom is the best thing I've ever done with my life, these two beautiful kids are my greatest accomplishments, and I can't wait to see what they do in their lives...